Cat Killer

It’s funny the wacky shiz you remember from your childhood. I remember my third birthday I had a wicked Cookie Monster Cake. I recall being royally POed that ET got beat by Gandhi for best picture of the year. And I definitely remember crushing big time on Kim Fields, Tootie from Facts of Life fame, back in the day. Tootie if you are out there, you missed out because as you can see below I have moves.





Back to the topic at hand...But the one thing I have heard about, but don’t remember is the day I killed a cat. Hold your horses PETA freaks. When I was a wee lad of three years of age (yes I remember the Cookie Monster cake that same year, but not taking a feline life, sue me) my mother and I came to visit my Grandparents in Indy and we brought our new cat with us. Now the way my Moms tell this story, this cat was a hellcat. This kitty would claw the heck out of my mom in the middle of the night and was generally kind of a d-bag (can a cat be a d-bag?).


Well long story short (too late) I guess I was a chunk as a toddler and a clumsy chunk at that… I was watching Sonny and Cher with my Mom and I rolled right of the couch. Question? What the hell kind of parenting is that? I know, where is child welfare when you need them? Anyway as I rolled my happy arse back up on the couch, I apparently had some blood on my super sweet PJ’s. My Granny asked my Moms if I was OK (Maybe she should have asked before my mother let roll off the couch like a freaking weeble-wobble?) because she saw the blood. Well you guessed it; I fell on the cat and crushed the poor kitty like a beer can at a fraternity party.


The next day I woke up and wanted to play with my cat and Grandpa told me that the cat had bolted after being taken to the Doctor for treatment of a stomach ache. I guess I was not very sharp at three because I bought that happy horse crap.


When I was in High School my Mom filled me in on the real scoop. I am sorry Mr. Cat… So sorry, I barely knew you. RIP.