Blognog...

Just checking in with my semi adoring public. So on with some quick-takes.

Why is this edition labeled blognog? No idea. I just kind of like the sound of it. Deal with it.

How come Mark Wahlberg always seems pissed off? I mean dude has a pretty sweet life by all accounts and I like most of his movies, but he always seems like the guy at the bar looking for a fight. I have come to the conclusion that Mr. Funky Bunch has irritable bowel syndrome. He always has that IBS snarl on his face. So please Dirk Diggler get yourself to a physician post haste.

When I am looking to get all jacked up for my afternoon workout no song is better than Kenny Loggin’s Danger Zone. Ok, not really, but I am going to try to work a Kenny Loggin’s reference in to all my blog entries from this day forward. Why you ask? Because Kenny Loggin’s is like musical butter… he makes everything better.

I wish I could play the Banjo. I just think it is cool.

Enough with the freaking vampires people. I like Trueblood and Salem’s Lot is one of my favorite reads, but really enough is enough. If I hear anymore about Twilight I am going to ralph. In my humble opinion the only thing more annoying that Twilight fans are Justin Bieber fans.

I miss the Hamburglar. Where did this little meat shoplifter disappear to?

I salute Hobby Lobby! It was recently brought to my attention that they already have their Christmas decorations out! Mr. Christmas Sean Reaves says that is well played Hobby Lobby! Well played indeed.

If Hollywood options my blog and decides to turn it into a TV series or movie (for the record I am open for either) I would like to be played by Don Cheadle. I think Don embodies my inner-coolness and dashing good looks.

I often feel the rest of the world is playing chess and I am play checkers.
Last but not least – Mad Men is back July 25! Oh Joan Holloway…

Reavo is Back! Again!

I have been gone for far too long. Instead of me making excuses for why I have not written (let’s be honest you have heard this all before work, kids, exercising, blah blah blah… Hey we all have life, well maybe you don’t as you are reading my blog) let’s just do some updating on my life. I mean you are here to read about my extreme awesomeness so let’s just get to it.

I have been on a six month heath/ lifestyle rehab program. A week before Christmas I got some pictures back of myself from a holiday get together and I was shocked to see that I was really effing fat. Not just a few holiday eggnog and Hickory Farms pounds but FAT! Not man that jacket is PHAT with the PH, but dude you can’t fit in that jacket because you are fat with capitol F. That coupled with some back problems were the straw that broke this fat arse’s back. I went on a strict diet and workout routine. I don’t want to get in to numbers because it is embarrassing that I let myself go, especially considering how freaking hot I am… me carrying around all that extra weight was like some vandal defacing the Mona Lisa! It has not been easy dropping the lbs but I feel much better than I have in years.

I ran the Mini again (took last year off, while I fattened myself like a Christmas ham apparently). It was tough and I saw some weird stuff, like a dude yakking after 3 miles (really dude 3 flipping miles?) and 3 chicks popping a squat to pee in a ditch but overall I am glad I did it. The 30 mph winds and cold were less than fun, but knowing I completed it is an amazing feeling. I am still not sure how people do a full 26 miles, 13.1 was plenty crazy for me.

I also completed my first Triathlon. I was wicked scared because unlike the Mini which you can just quit if it reaches max suckiness you’re in this till the end, well at least the swim part. I mean I guess you could give up and drowned, but that would kinda suck. I am not the strongest swimmer to start with due to the fact I am a 37 year old male living in Indiana, swimming opportunities other than the gym just don’t come unless I seek them out. I can bike or run anytime I like, but swimming takes a little planning. So I was pretty freaked out by this whole thing and I don’t think the US will be sending me to the Olympics to represent the Stars and Stripes anytime soon, but I finished and did not drowned or shart myself so I feel like I am a winner.

I turned 37 this year. I am grasping to my last bit of youth, but truly feel it slipping away like my hairline. Life is good in general and I am determined to enjoy the good and try not to dwell on the bad.

I am going to try to write one entry a week, I promise! So keep checking in! Hell, I am probably lying about writing once a week stuff, you and I both know that. So just enjoy this entry because I am pretty entertaining and if you get more be happy.

Randomness

I hear you loud and clear. I have not been blogging recently. I really don’t have a reason other than to say I have been blocked. I have started a few, but I just did not care for them, so I erased them. But my mother says that my fan club at her office is upset I have not written (Do I have blog groupies? Chicka chicka yeah…) so here goes, I can’t promise it will be stellar, but I will give it a go. Since it has been a while here are a few things that I have been pondering recently.

How freaking good are tater tots? Tater tots did not even come in to existence until 1954. Is the lack of tater tots in the world a possible cause of the Great Depression? Umm, I think the ansewer is a pretty clear, yes!1954 is also the first year the Polio vaccine was began being tested in the US… personally I think tater tots are exponentially more significant than the Polio vaccine. A world without tater tots is not one I am intrested in being.

Has there ever been a creation more stalker friendly than Facebook? I love Facebook, but its kind of weird to think of all the creeper - peepers out there.

Also with Facebook blowing up, is there anybody left on MySpace? Oh, and Facebook is officially played out, because my mother is now a member of the club. Time to find the next big thing people.

I have been very depressed lately due to the break up of Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush. If these to crazy kids cant make is there any hope for the rest of us?

Speaking of reality tv losers, it seems we have a new king of the losers and his name Jon Gosling. First off let me tell you, I have seen a total of 3 episodes of this retched show and I don’t blame this dude at all for leaving that hag Kate. I mean Kate seems about a fun as a high colonic with a fire hose, but still this guy seems to being working overtime perfecting the act of douche baggary. Dude its fine to go out and date or two, but maybe limit yourself to one ho a day.

Alright that’s it peeps… peace out and if you missed me, well you may want to get I life. Although it’s tough to blame you, because I am pretty effing awsome.

As Seen On TV

I love to buy stuff I see on TV. I am not taking about QVC type trash, I am talking about commercials and infomercial type stuff, the real good crapola. For example, I have a Snuggy and I freaking love it, when it can be wrestled away from Caeleigh that is.

Recently I got a Topsy Turvey. What is a Topsy Turvey you ask? It is an upside down tomato planter of course! Alas my Topsy Turvey has yet to produce any tomatoy goodness for me! I am serious, not even one little green sucker for me to fry up. It’s the equivalent of a Chia Pet that grows no plant like fur. I am distraught and praying to the gods of TV crapola to save my upside tomato planter.

Please loyal readers of my blog, pray for the Topsy Turvey! Also feel free to make donations you the Save Reavo’s Topsy Turvey fund, checks can me be made payable to me. Don’t let another day go by with out a tomato in my life.

Taint s'post to hurt!

I have a new passion in my life! Cycling. For years my good friend Chris has encouraged me to start riding and I always told him to get bent. So he moved away this year and I finally bought a bike, weird right? Last weekend I completed my longest ride of the summer a 46 mile ride through Hendricks County. It was a beautiful day for a ride and I had a wonderful time except for the excruciating pain to my… well let’s call it my undercarriage, after the ride.

When I purchased the bike it had a racing seat on it. My buddy I bought the bike from asked if I wanted the racing seat or the slightly more padded seat the bike had come with, padding please I replied. I also bought a padded bib overall riding outfit, which I must say is stunning on me to say the least.

So you would think with all this padding I would be well equipped for this ride. Ahhh, not so much. Instead I think the seat might have covered in razor blades the way my taint felt the night of the completed 46 mile ride. My junk was feeling like it had taken a round trip through a meat grinder.

Avid riders will say it gets better. I have just one question… WHEN?

I am back!

Ok I know I have not written since March but cut me some slack folks between work, the new baby, and the workout jag I have been on recently its been tough. But I will try to make this bad boy a little better than normal (yeah that will be tough) to make up for going all MIA recently.

So last Friday Sarah and I decide to load up the fam- damily and head out for a little bite at Rock Star Pizza in the Burg. Why Rock Star? They sponsor Caeleigh’s softball team and we have never been there so we decide lets throw them a few bucks for being active in the community… I know, how cool are we?

Anyway I roll in with my entourage (read Caeleigh, Kasey Jo and Sarah) and get ready to hunker down for some good eats and the chick running the joint looks really familiar to me. It hits me we had Radio and TV together in high school. So I say hi and “yo we had radio and tv together and of course you will remember me I am Sean Reaves.” Dude she had no clue who I was. WTF!

Color me shocked people! Is it possible that I am not the center of everyone universe? In my mind (and apparently mine only) I make such an impact on all people I meet that I sincerely believe they must remember me for life, let alone 17 years. I mean for real, I am the shizz, am I not?

This was quite a blow to my ego at the time. However, I have since decided that this young lady might have suffered a serious brain trauma recently and is suffering from memory loss. That is a much more plausible possibility than the slight chance she could have forgotten the greatness that is Reavo.

Saturday Mornings

Saturday morning cartoons! I used to love rocking my footie PJs and grabbing a bowl of Lucky Charms or some other sugary breakfast cereal and plopping my arse down in front of the TV to watch the greats like Super Friends, Scooby Doo, The Littles, Fat Albert and many more. I weep for my daughter when I think of what she is missing out on. For the record she loves Hannah Montana and for the record I think Hanna Montana sucks big time.

Saturday mornings were a ritual in my life as a rug rat that I took very seriously. I would get up by 6:30am in the morning and then be bummed because real cartoons did not start until 7:00am. So at 6:30am I would watch the New Zoo Revue which was like some low rent Mr. Rogers / Captain Kangaroo rip-off with lame characters like Henrietta Hippo and Freddy the Frog. I remember watching this crapola in disgust counting the minutes until the true animation parade would start.

When 7:00am hit I seem to remember watching the Smurfs. Strange side note, I always thought Smurfette was wicked hot… is that weird? I am guessing that is, but I did she think she was a hottie back in the day. I even loved the breaks in between the cartoons, from NBC’s preachy The More You Know (drugs are bad!) to ABC’s hippy dippy educational Schoolhouse Rocks to CBS’s underrated and my personal favorite In The News which was a two minute news break aimed a kids but not dumbed down.

I liked all different kinds of cartoons from silly things like the Smurfs (although I secretly rooted for Gargamel) to the badassness that was the Super Friends. There was something oddly safe and comforting about Saturday mornings, watching animation with a bowl of cereal in your PJ’s. I think Saturday mornings made me feel older, as it was the one time I had control of the TV. I remember a sadness that would wash over me when American Bandstand would come on, as that signaled the end of cartoons on Saturday mornings.

Kasey Joann Reaves is in the hizzy...

Kasey Joann Reaves arrived Thursday, March 12, 2009 at 8:14pm. She weighed 8lbs; 2 oz. She was 20 inches long. "Kasey" comes from Sarah's mom's maiden name "Kasemeyer" and "Joann" is my mom's middle name.

Sarah and Kasey are doing great!

Where you been Reavo?

I know, I know, I have not blogged in forever. Sorry I have been MIA, but between work and Sarah’s medical dramarama (for details check on Sarah’s blog http://www.reavesfam.blogspot.com/) I have just not had time. So to catch up I wanted to give you a few thoughts and Reavo revelations on some current events.

• Octo-mom – I am the father of at least 3 of those babies.

• Toenail clippings are super gross, but I used to work with a chick that claimed to have kept all of hers in jar.

• I see a lot of commercials for food at Dairy Queen, for the life of me I don’t think I have ever eaten food there. I’ve wolfed down quite a bit of Ice cream, but food? Oh I don’t think so. Not for me.

• I recently got a cycling bike… Reavo in biking shorts… one word SEXY!

• Did we really need a forth judge on American Idol? Was there some earth shattering musical information that we were missing out on? Come on now with the mensa wonder twins Paula and Randy on the case did we not have our share of pointless feedback?

• While we are on the subject of AI let’s just give the title to Danny and be done with it.

• I am calling my shot right now… The Cubs will break my heart again this year.

• Me and my baby mama have chosen a name, but are not releasing it to the public yet. Rest assured it will not disappoint.

• Is there anyone left not on Facebook? If you have not played Tetris on Facebook you are missing out.

• I think Thai food is disgusting and if you would join a club dedicated to eating it you should have your head examined.

• My daughter says “oh snap” all the time… I wonder if she is the next Joy Crabman?

• I am considering creating a wikipedia page dedicated to my greatness.

• I did not have a Big Wheel as a child. Instead I rocked a Green Machine. If you don’t know the difference, I am truly sorry for you for a Green Machine is the shizz.

• The Wire or Lost best show of all time? I can’t choose I love them both; I truly am worried I might die before discovering the secrets of the island. Is that weird?

• If I could only have one food the rest of my life, I think I would choose Fruity Pebbles.

That’s enough for now. I am glad to be back and I am looking forward to sharing my extreme awesomeness with you in the coming weeks.

What No Valerie?

What No Valerie?

I am an admitted addict to TV teen melodrama. From The OC to Dawson’s Creek. I love them all. But my favorite is the Granddaddy of them all… Beverly Hills 90210 (original recipe).

Now, the CW has rolled out 90210 2.0 a follow up to the 90’s classic with new kids and a few of the old favorites sprinkled in to try to draw in the old fans. So far both Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth) and Brenda Walsh (Shannon Doherty) have made return appearances to 90210 Extra Crispy edition. There has been much speculation over what other possible original cast members will be popping up on the new show. Word surfaced last week that Tori Spelling will be dragging her gigantic head and alien eyes out of retirement to reprise her role as Beverly Hills vestal virgin Donna Martin. And to this I say WTF!?!

Who is running this new show? They are missing out on the greatest TV free agent pick all time. Tiffani Amber Thiessen. TAT (that is my little pet name for Tiffani Amber Thiessen) brought the heat to the zip code. Let’s face it Brenda was an average bitch at best. What 90210 needed in season 5 was new life and the true foil Kelly had lacked the first four seasons. Brenda could not hold Kelly’s jock, oops I guess that analogy does not work her. But really if Brenda had any heat at all would she have let Kelly wrestle Dylan and the show away from her?

But when bad girl Valerie Malone (TAT) arrived on the scene, playing against type of her goodie two shoes days on Saved by the Bell it was pure magic. Finally Kelly had an antagonist to bring out her inner bitch. These two hellcats took the show to new heights even as the storylines got utterly ridiculous.

In no certain order the following storylines took place during the Valerie - Kelly era –
• Kelly joins a cult.
• Dylan, Kelly, David, Donna all got substance abuse problems (the writers really love to play the drug card).
• Dylan and Valerie travel is some foreign land to get his money and kidnap his sister.
• Kelly gets caught in a fire at a lesbian house party.
• Andrea cheats on her husband (really? There are two guys in southern California that don’t find her like nails on chalkboard?)
• Kelly gets shot in a drive by (she is a BH gangster?) at LAX, no less.
• Multiple guys actually date Gigantor Martin.
• Valarie hooks up with, Steve, David, Dylan, Noah, Brandon and the LA Dodgers.
• Cranium Maximus gets tossed by down a flight a stairs by Ray Priutt, but somehow does not hit her football helmet sized head.
• Super hot hottie Clair dates douche bag extraordinaire Steve Sanders for multiple seasons.

But why did we buy into this nuttiness? Three letters people… TAT! So I implore you 90210 producers, bring back Valerie Malone. I don’t care if you have to fire some of those anorexic High School Musical rejects to get her. They are obviously not using their new found wealth on food.